Wondering if you should call him after the first date?

Dr. Dar — Tue, 21 May 2013 17:45:00 +0000

Wondering if you should call him after the first date? Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Should I Text Him? Flowchart infographic by beccaclason.

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Technology Causing Relationship Problems Video

Dr. Dar — Sun, 19 May 2013 19:04:05 +0000

Technology Causing Relationship Problems Video Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Parents are very concerned about technology causing relationship problems

Addiction to iPods, iPhones, iPads, smart phones, and other technology is rampant

Tammy asks:

Dr. Dar, my daughter is about to graduate from high school and we’re making plans for her attendance at an out of state college. I am very concerned because she is constantly wired to her ipod. She has her ears plugged with her headphones all day and night, she even sleeps with them. Recently, she ask for a second iPod so she would have something while her iPod charged up. She gets angry when her iPod needs to be charged. What should I do?

Tammy, you are absolutely correct in being concerned. As humans, we need quiet time to allow our bodies and minds to relax. Constantly being wired and connected to technology including television, radio, computers, internet, online games, video sites, phones, cell phones, music devices, etc. all result in relationship problems and inability to interact socially. Communication and listening problems also are a result of this addiction.

I suggest that you implement a no technology rule at a minimum:

at every meal
in the car when your daughter is driving
an hour before and leading up to going to sleep
when devices are charging

At first this will be very difficult as your daughter will go through withdrawals. The reaction is typical of addiction and if she is truly over-reactive, you should consider therapy to help her with the addiction.

I find that teenagers and college students have difficulty in communicating effectively not just in day to day interactions, but also when emotions are high or when conflict is present. They tend to avoid conflict, or worse, communicate via text or twitter. I see tweens, teens, college students, and even couples use texting, facebook, or twitter to communicate with people who are in the same room with them at the same time. Communicating our emotions or feelings about situations or people via text does not satisfy the human psyche. We need the direct human to human contact – in fact, we crave it. It is how we love and feel loved.

Technology provides a false sense of being and feeling valued because of the instantaneous nature of the communication offered. However, I am finding an increase in social, emotional, and communication problems when it comes to relationships.

Watch this video of me discussing the need to detach from technology every day to give our bodies and minds a much needed break!

Story Created: May 17, 2013 at 6:46 AM EDT CHARLOTTE, NC – Technology keeps kids wired all the time and in the age of smart-phones there is virtually never a good time to unplug. With constant access teens could be over-doing it and going on a technology binge. Our relationship expert, Dr. Dar, shares with Rising her thoughts on this topic.

Here’s a link to a study about the effects of technology on relationships

Here is a write up about it on Huffington Post

Psychology Today even published a report on the effects of technology relationships problems

Dr. Dar’s Rant: Let’s stop blaming the technology for causing our relationship problems!

It is not the technology that is causing the relationship problems. Stop blaming facebook, twitter, texting, and other technology for the problems in your relationships. The technology is used by human beings and it is the human being that causes the relationship problems. Instead of relying on technology for your relationship needs, start learning how to connect and communication with people, face to face. Take accountability for goodness sakes! Technology is not causing your problems and will not fix your problems, only you can!

What effect is technology having on your health and relationships? Leave a comment…

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Online Dating Profile Tips

Dr. Dar — Fri, 17 May 2013 20:53:55 +0000

Online Dating Profile Tips Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Wondering about trying online dating but unsure where to start with your online dating profile?

Do you keep changing your online dating profile, trying to get it perfect?

Or, have you been using online dating but not getting the responses or results you want?

It all starts with your user name, headline and profile.

I am here to tell you it is not so frightening or difficult…take a deep breath…clear your mind…and think positively!

I want you to have fun with this…after all, you are sharing a bit about you so that your perfect suitors will be attracted to you through your profile!

Helpful secrets about writing a rocking hot online dating profile

Remember, the goal of your profile is to attract a like minded suitor to read your online dating profile and take action to contact you.

Have Fun….
What are some of your positive attributes?
What are some of your favorite past-times or hobbies?
Use that information to help you come up with your unique username/handle. For example, suppose you love football. Your username could be something like Punt123, Your headline could be: “You Can be my Quarterback”, or even, “The game is good, but half-time’s are better shared together!”

When you write your online dating profile, you must think like the person who you want to read it! Yes, You have to KNOW the person you want to attract. Write as though you are speaking to your future spouse!

After all, you are speaking to him/her.

Instead of: “I like to watch football and the Dallas Cowboys are my favorite team”, you could write: “I’d like to spend a Sunday afternoon cheering our favorite football team with you!” Now, you’re connecting with your reader (your future spouse) and they instantly start visualizing doing the things you are interested in with you!

It makes it easier for your match to contact you because you have already started a conversation with them!

Let’s continue on with this example demonstrating how it makes it easier for someone to have a conversation with you. When someone contacts you and says, “Hey, I loved your profile. I enjoy Sunday football, too. What’s your favorite team? Mine’s the Panthers, but they’ve been lousy lately, I would like a change of pace. Do you ever go to live football events to watch whether your team is playing or not?”

Now – take a look at some lousy initial email examples I have come across online:

Hi (person’s screen name), I found your online profile interesting. I saw you are hard working and have goals. I was wondering what some of your goals are? Would you share them with me (my name)? Thanks a lot!

My Critique:

No need to say “I saw your profile online” as that is so obvious. Leave out fluff like this and put in real content – write it like you would say it out loud to someone in person.

What does interesting mean? That’s so non-specific and boring. Instead compliment the person and not their profile. What was interesting about this person – write about that!

Goals – share with me? You don’t need permission for others to share with you. Instead say I’d love to hear more about the goals you mentioned – especially places you have traveled to and those that are still on your list. I love traveling too!

***you get the point, this is an uninteresting, boring, and weak email – it screams, I am afraid and need permission to communicate with you.

Lastly, put some light and fun into your email and profile to show that you like to have fun. Something that is quirky and part of your personality is great. e.g. Wondering if you are an anchovy or pineapple on pizza lover!

It is so much easier to write your profile when you think of the ideal person who will be reading it!

Still not sure how to succeed with online dating? Contact Dr. Dar about her Lasting Love Circle special class for Singles who are serious about finding love!

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Marital Advice – Is it time to audit your marriage?

Dr. Dar — Sun, 12 May 2013 15:51:44 +0000

Marital Advice – Is it time to audit your marriage? Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Could you imagine asking your wife to conduct an audit on your marriage based on marital advice you received from a study conducted by a Ph.D.?

Them are fighting words, right!

Is Eli J Finkel, a psychology professor from Northwestern University, Illinois, insane?

In a recent study, he encourages couples to audit their arguments, regularly.

I share my opinion on marriage audits in this interview:…be sure to watch the entire video….and then below the video, I offer 3 tips for a healthy marriage audit.

Bottom line marital advice: If you have a health relationship with open and honest communication, then you are a couple who can withstand a 7 minute conversation every quarter to address the things you argue about regularly. Chances are, you won’t use the 7 minutes up. If you are a couple who is already struggling with communicating differences, asking for your needs to be met, or even asking for help on day to day tasks like doing the dishes, a marriage audit of your arguments will do more harm than good….and may even turn a well intended 7 minute conversation into a week long tenuous argument with no end in sight.

Healthy Marriage Audit

Marital Advice Audit Step 1: Schedule a 7 minute meeting with your spouse once every quarter.

Marital Advice Audit Step 2:

Prepare for your 7 minute meeting by identifying no more than 3 things that you argue about from your perspective or that bug you about your relationship or spouse.
Identify what you would like to request instead from your partner to solve this argument or bug.
Lastly and most importantly, identify 3 things that you appreciate about your spouse or relationship.

Marital Advice Audit Step 3: During your 7 minute marriage audit meeting:

Share 1 thing that bugs you and make a request for something different instead from your partner.
Then share 1 thing you appreciate about them.
Your partner does steps 1 and 2
You complete steps 1 and 2 with the 2nd item on your list…
Your partner completes steps 1 and 2 with the 2nd item on their list…..
Continue till you both complete item 3 on your lists.
Done! Call the meeting complete and thank each other for the time, listening, AND for honoring your requests of each other to solve the arguments once and for all!

Are you still arguing? Or is this way too much for you to do on your own? Contact Dr. Dar today to solve the arguing in your relationship today.

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Rekindling Struggling Relationships

Dr. Dar — Fri, 10 May 2013 14:27:37 +0000

Rekindling Struggling Relationships Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

One of the most common topics with regard to love and relationship advice is one that is hard to approach: how to rekindle a struggling relationship. This is a difficult issue in that it is an extremely common one, but also an awkward one to admit to or talk about.

People in committed relationships want to believe that everything is going perfectly and smoothly, and can thus fall into patterns of denying problems when things aren’t going so well. However, it is perfectly normal for even the healthiest and happiest relationships to go through difficult periods, so if you have experienced these sorts of struggles it is time to admit it and start to address the problem so that you can move forward quickly and easily.

With that in mind, here are a few useful tips for ways to rekindle a struggling relationship:

Rekindle Struggling Relationships Tip #1

Recreate a first date – This may seem a bit corny to some, and indeed it is an extremely romantic and ideal gesture, but it is also something that works. Surprise your significant other with a trip back to that first restaurant where you connected, and make it clear that you have set up this date as a cute reminder of the passion and happiness of your relationship. This won’t ever fix major problems, but if all you need is a jump start this can be a very helpful step to take, and one that you can both enjoy together.

Rekindle Struggling Relationships Tip #2

Take a trip – Easier said than done, but if at all possible, try to get away with your loved one for a few days, or a week if you can. A huge percentage of relationship problems stem from the fact that the people involved are too busy to have much time to spend on each other, so getting away with just the two of you can be a very helpful step. This can allow you some time to devote attention just to your significant other and the love between you.

Rekindle Struggling Relationships Tip #3

Liven up the bedroom – A large number of relationship issues also stem from boredom or dissatisfaction in the bedroom. This is a hard issue to admit to in and of itself, but it is also one that can be fixed with honesty, openness, and the willingness to try new things. Talk to your partner about what you feel you are missing sexually, and figure out a way to excite each other again. For some, this simply means trying new positions or ways of pleasing each other, and for others it can mean heading to Adam & Eve to check out accessories designed to liven up the bedroom. Whatever the case for you, it is likely that once you address this issue your relationship will begin to seem far happier and less tense.

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9 Surefire Ways for Successful Couples Communication

Dr. Dar — Mon, 06 May 2013 12:45:55 +0000

9 Surefire Ways for Successful Couples Communication Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Nobody likes conflict, yet the most innocent words or actions can result in an argument, even with the best of intentions. Don’t wait for your next argument- read this article now to learn nine Surefire Ways for effective couples communication and conflict resolution in any relationship that are key to avoiding hitting “The Wall” which results in arguments and conflict.

THE RULES OF THE ROAD

In any communication there is a sender and a receiver. The risk of conflict is highest when the sender is experiencing an issue of some kind and needs to communicate about it. Before any effective communication starts, especially around an issue, it’s important to understand these ground rules.

1. ISSUES ARE UNMET NEEDS

In my thinking, a problem or an issue in a relationship is about an unmet need. If it weren’t a need, it wouldn’t be an issue.

2. ALL ISSUES ARE VALID

If we assume this then we won’t argue with each other about the validity of the issue. It is not nice to discount somebody’s issues and say, “Oh come on now that’s no big deal. What’s your problem? Don’t be ridiculous.” Don’t allow someone to discount your issue. And don’t discount their issue either, because all issues are valid, big and small. Just the fact that you experience an issue makes it valid, you don’t need to justify it or get agreement about whether it’s an issue or not.

3. WHO HAS THE UNMET NEED OWNS THE ISSUE

I call this “David Steele’s Law of Relationship,” and it goes two ways- For the sender it means that if you have an issue, it’s about you, you own it. It’s yours. It belongs to you. There is no universal issue out there that if everybody experiences this one thing, everybody will have an issue with it. Some people will. Some people won’t. Needs and issues are subjective, not facts. They are your truth and not necessarily a truth that others share.

So if it’s an issue for you, it’s because you have the need and the need is unmet. It’s not automatically an indictment that your partner is in the wrong. For example, if your partner comes home late and doesn’t call, in some relationships that might be a problem, in others it wouldn’t be a big deal. If you have a need to know what to expect it will be an issue for you if that need is unmet when your partner is late and didn’t call. The need is yours and the issue is yours. Your partner being late is simply a fact, it doesn’t make them right or wrong. It doesn’t make your issue less valid, it simply means you take an attitude of ownership.

Taking ownership of your needs and issues in a relationship is incredibly important because it empowers you to be responsible for your needs, and is much less likely to put your partner on the defensive because you’re not making them wrong or blaming them for your unmet need.

For the receiver this means that that it’s not about you. It’s not your issue and your job is to let the sender have the issue and don’t try to take it away from them by having an issue with their issue. If you take their issue personally and make it about you then you’ll hit “The Wall.” If you let them have their issue and support them to get their unmet need met you will be helping yourself as well because you want a happy relationship and happy partner.

4.ONE ISSUE AT A TIME

This is very important because when people communicate about issues and they talk about more than one at a time it often goes all over the place. They bring out everything and the kitchen sink; every resentment they’ve saved up, every little grievance. If you want to have productive communication, if you want to resolve something between you two, you pretty much have to focus on one thing at a time.

5. TAKE TURNS

Take turns being the sender. One person speaks at the time. This is basic playground behavior. Share and take turns. However, you notice that arguments happen because one person is not letting the other person speak so they feel like they have to talk louder to be heard. And then it goes back and forth. So take turns being the sender. I want to acknowledge that this is simple, but it’s not necessarily easy. When you’re hitting the wall it feels so urgent to have your partner listen to you that you have a hard time being present to them. This can take a heroically conscious effort, but it can be done.

6. SPEAK WITH MODERATION

If you’re taking turns, then you don’t need to yell to be heard. You can speak with moderation. Productive communication is about being calm, respectful and choosing your words carefully so that you say what you mean and mean what you say.

7. LISTEN WITH CURIOSITY

This is an important attitude, to be curious about where your partner is coming from and not to prejudge them as wrong, or speculate that, “They really mean– this.” Or “they’re just saying that because of– that.” Look at them through new eyes. Listen to them as if you’re listening to them for the first time. Listen with curiosity. When you do I guarantee you’ll learn something new about your partner and your relationship will not only work better, it’ll be more passionate and fulfilling.

Think back on your patterns in listening to your partner. How often are you formulating in your mind what you’re going to say back to them while they’re talking? Sometimes we don’t even give the other guy a chance to finish before we insert our opinions. This is human nature, it’s a bad habit, we all have this tendency and it takes a little effort to adopt an attitude of curiosity, but it’ll help you really be able to hear and listen effectively. This is also part of taking turns. If your partner is the sender, then you need to be the receiver. You need to listen. If it’s your turn to be the sender then you have a right to expect that your partner listen and receive you and if they are not playing that role you can request them to do so.

8. ASSUME THE WIN-WIN

Most of us understand intellectually that we can negotiate. We can find a way that works for both of us. But what often happens unconsciously is that there is an assumption or fear that if you get your way then I’m going to lose and I’m not going to get my needs met. There is oftentimes a scarcity mentality that drives people into conflict. They really don’t trust that their needs will be met if their partner’s needs are met at the same time. It’s either-or. I like to believe that it is both-and. So assume the win-win.

9. NURTURE THE SPACE BETWEEN

Here’s a concept that oftentimes we forget about, and many couples don’t even know about, which is that a relationship is more than just two people. There is a space between you where this relationship lives. This is where your children live, and everyone else that comes into contact with the two of you.

There’s an emotional atmosphere between you two and it needs to be clean in order to be fulfilled and happy. If you have unresolved conflict, if your communication is not clean and effective, if there are resentments and disappointments and unresolved issues between you two, that is going to pollute the space between you two and everyone, including you, will feel it. So the space between IS the relationship.. We want to nurture that space; we want to treat it as sacred. It’s not just about your partner and it’s not just about you, it’s the combination that you are both 100% responsible for. Not 50/50, each partner is 100% responsible for what happens in the space between.

These Rules of the Road are key paradigms that will help your communication be positive and productive, and you WILL forget them! I call this phenomenon “going unconscious.” No problem- next time you “go unconscious” and find yourself hitting the wall and in an argument, remember the Rules of the Road for effective communication and conflict resolution.

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Marriage Advice for Men

Dr. Dar — Sun, 05 May 2013 12:42:36 +0000

Marriage Advice for Men Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

I have worked with hundreds of men to provide marriage advice and solutions.

They all wanted to know whether they were in marriage crisis or not, whether what they were dealing with was normal, or more importantly, if their needs were reasonable or if something was wrong with them.

As a result, I came up with a simple chart so that men could figure out what stage they are of marriage crisis they are in…as you read this chart, please note that every zone can benefit from relationship or marriage advice for men, counseling and coaching.

Accept the need for marriage advice for men

The sooner you acknowledge you cannot do everything perfectly and take action to seek out professional guidance, the sooner the success of your relationship is guaranteed and marriage crisis is avoided. Seeking assistance is not a negative stamp on you, your spouse ,or your marriage. It simply differentiates you from others who will wait 7 or more years to take action to solve marital issues which by then are so escalated that they take much longer to resolve.

Men feel guilty or incompetent because they expect themselves to know how to fix their issues and marriage crisis on their own with family or friends…or that they are newlyweds and it would look really bad to get help so early in the marriage because newlyweds are not supposed to experience marriage crisis so soon…or they should know better after being married for so many years.

The truth is that no one has educated you on how to succeed in a relationship, there was no training manual. You did not attend school to learn advanced love communication techniques, not did you learn how to resolve conflict or the marriage crisis in your relationship. In addition to that, it is hard to see things clearly in the midst of a marriage crisis nor can you be objective when you are in a relationship, especially with the one you love. Marriage Crisis issues add a large layer of complexity that when mitigated by a Relationship Coach can alleviate the pressure, provide simple and quick solutions to implement, and provide you with new communication and coping strategies to move from marriage crisis to marriage utopia.

Listed below are the Marriage Crisis zones I have identified in my work and marriage advice for men:

MARRIAGE ADVICE FOR MEN

Marriage Crisis Zones

Red Zone of Marriage Crisis	Yellow Zone	Green Zone
Can’t stand being in the same space as your spouse; avoids interaction with each other	Not recognizing each others feelings	You tell your friends everything is fine, but you don’t feel that way 100% of the time
Suffocating; feel like you cannot breathe or have no freedom to be	Live like two separate people	Having trouble integrating into married life, struggling with being who you are and who you are in the marriage; the relationship has turned into something you did not expect. Being a couple is more difficult than you thought
Constant arguing; verbal personal attacks – Toxic environment	Purposely arrange different schedules	Feel uncomfortable sharing opening with your partner; not able to share feelings, emotions especially on topics about your partner, marriage or intimacy
Lack of communication	Look outside the marriage to fill a void	Not willing to give yourself 100% to the marriage;
Drained energy, emotionally tired, and have just about given up	Feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells	Feeling disconnected, not sure why
Complete lack of motivation	Loss of purpose	Marriage duties aren’t clearly defined causing confusion
No emotional connection	Loss of personal identity	One or both of you is beginning to feel resentful
One foot out the door	Loss of identity as a couple	You don’t spend intimate time together any more
Abusive tendencies or fear of it getting that way (verbal)	Arguing incessantly (even nagging) over small, petty issues to get attention	Friends / family frequently comment that you’ve changed

MARRIAGE ADVICE FOR MEN SOLUTIONS – Click here for your no cost Marriage Breakthrough Session with Dr. Dar


It is never the couple’s intention to separate or divorce but the reality is that it happens. It is unusual for a couple to choose to separate or divorce when I work with them; however, there are some exceptions. I do assist couples in making the choice to stay together or separate. In some cases, separation is best for the couple and their families. I will continue working with you as individuals sorting through the details during the separation/divorce to co-create forward movement, assist with difficult decisions, and facilitate peace of mind. In the end, both parties agree that the best decision was made.

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Matchmaking in the Carolina’s

Dr. Dar — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 13:34:03 +0000

Matchmaking in the Carolina’s Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Matchmaker Helps Singles Find Love In The Queen City

by Kate Bruce / Photographer: Adam Stevens

Story Created: Feb 4, 2013 at 11:15 PM EDT

Watch the news story on Fox Charlotte – Matchmaking in Charlotte, NC.

CHARLOTTE, NC – The business of love is booming in the Queen City. A local matchmaker is putting a twist on old school hookups and finding that special someone may come with a big price tag.

It’s one of the many reality television phenomenons sweeping the nation; the Millionaire Matchmaker, a show about people looking for love. They might not all be millionaires but Laurie Berzack is a real matchmaker right here in Charlotte who is finding success in old-school tricks, “I don’t show pictures, I don’t do phone numbers, I don’t do last names; I do background checks,I don’t want people trying to google one another before they meet.”

Take Ken Markovits, a DJ who had been searching for love for years, but never seemed to find the right match until Carolinas Matchmaker, “I sat with Laurie for 3.5, almost 4 hours and told her everything I was looking for and 3 weeks later I met Sara and that was it, within 20 minutes I knew.” Just one year later, Ken and Sara are engaged. Ken says the experience was invaluable, “It would of been well worth it at double the price, triple the price; she’s priceless.”

Clients of Carolinas Matchmaker pay upwards of $7500 based on Laurie’s proven track record of finding that perfect match. Berzack says 4 out of every 5 of her clients find love, “I screen people out, I’m a recruiter, I’m like the love coach, the consultant.”

Berzack’s company has no age limit. Leah Amler is one of Berzack’s clients who found love much later in life, “We have this new love, its not just two old people, its two people in love, learning about each other.” Leah met her husband Bernie through Carolinas Matchmaker. He says his relationship with Leah is priceless, “I just said we’re getting too old for this, let’s just get married. What else could I say? We’re too old to mess around.” Five years later and their match is still going strong.

Being part of the company’s website, where you have the potential to be matched is free. Go ahead and sign up for the potential to be matched on the Carolinas Matchmaker website.

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Pros and Cons of a Pre-nup

Dr. Dar — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 09:08:58 +0000

Pros and Cons of a Pre-nup Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Pros and Cons of a Pre-Nup Agreement

By Natalie Morris, Thursday, December 13, 2012

Are you getting married and wondering if you should get a prenuptial agreement before saying “I Do?” Below are tips to help you decide if a prenuptial agreement is right for you.

A prenuptial agreement is an agreement between two people that deals with the financial consequences should the marriage end.

When entering marriage, every couple has a so called “prenuptial agreement.” However, a large number of people do not realize that it is known as “divorce law.” Many people are dissatisfied by the way the divorce law works, so they take matters into their own hands, and customize their own pre-nup agreement before the marriage begins.

Pros of a Prenuptial Agreement

In today’s society, the divorce rate is so high, many people feel it’s common sense to get a prenuptial agreement signed before your upcoming nuptials. Below are several reasons why a prenuptial agreement may be the right choice for you.

1) You earn more money than your spouse. If one spouse earns significantly more than the other, it may be of his or her best interest to have a prenuptial agreement. The pre-nup can be used to limit the amount of alimony that is payable to the other spouse if divorce occurs.

2) You are wealthier than your spouse. A pre-nup can assure you that your spouse is marrying you for who you are and not your money or assets.

3) Your spouse has high debt. If one spouse has a significant amount of debt compared to the other and he or she does not want to be responsible for their debt if the marriage ends in divorce, a prenuptial agreement can protect the other spouse from assuming all of his or her debt. If a pre-nup is not signed and the spouse with high debt claims bankruptcy, according to the bankruptcy and credit bureau, creditors may still go after the spouse to collect payment.

4) You own part of a business. A prenuptial agreement can protect your business and make sure it is not divided among your spouse.

5) You are remarrying. If you are remarrying, many of your legal and financial obligations are different from your first marriage. You may have assets such a house or children from a previous marriage. A prenuptial agreement will ensure that your assets are distributed the way you want them to if you pass away.

6) You are poorer than your spouse. A pre-nup can ensure that the spouse who does not have much money is financially protected as well.

7) To protect inheritance rights. A prenuptial agreement can protect the inheritance rights of your children or grandchildren from a previous marriage ensuring that they are left with what you have intended.

Prenuptial agreements can be beneficial in a variety of ways to help protect your assets. If any of these reasons are important to you, a prenuptial agreement may be a right move before tying the knot.

Cons of a Prenuptial Agreement

There are also some disadvantages to a prenuptial agreement, especially for the person who has been asked to sign one. There are many legal and psychological issues that complicate prenups.

1) Your inheritance rights might be compromised. By signing a pre-nup, it may eliminate your right to inherit your spouse’s estate if he or she passes away.

2) Your feelings are hurt. Trying to negotiate a prenuptial agreement may damage your relationship before the wedding even takes place. The person forced to sign the pre-nup may feel like there is lack of trust and may wonder if the marriage will last. A pre-nup puts stipulations on a marriage before it has even started.

3) It is expensive. A pre-nup can be expensive depending on how complex your finances are and how long the negotiations may take. They can cost from a few hundred to thousands of dollars if you work with an attorney. There are also do-it-yourself agreements that can be found online; however, you must be careful how you write the pre-nup and make sure both spouses understand the terms and conditions. If it is not written carefully, the judge may challenge the agreement if he or she feels it was written incorrectly.

4) Enforceability. Some states can limit what can be included in your prenuptial agreement. If your agreement includes unapproved items, it may be dismissed in court. States also require that pre-nups be fair and and equitable. Check with your state to see what they consider unapproved items.

Is a Prenuptial Agreement Right for You?

Before tying the knot, each couple should sit down and really weigh the pros and cons of a prenuptial agreement before entering one. Be as honest as possible, and don’t let either member of the agreement feel bullied. It is an extremely important agreement that really affects the rest of your life. If you have any questions or concerns regarding a prenuptial agreement, visit an attorney in your city or state.

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Modern Dating Rules in Charlotte, NC

Dr. Dar — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 22:30:45 +0000

Modern Dating Rules in Charlotte, NC Dr. Dar - Helping smart people find and create lasting relationships.

Dating in 2013 is no cake walk. Everyone is busier and more ambitious than we have perhaps ever been. More women are obtaining higher levels of education than ever before. There are many more single parents in today’s society. Many individuals put off marriage until much later, if not completely opt out of it. Modern dating rules are different, women are more assertive, men are more independent…how do we navigate these changes to modern dating rules while our parents and grandparents are stuck in older generational patterns of ‘marrying in your early 20′s?

And kids? Well, some folks are content with just their partner and pets rather than little rascals running around.

There are websites, television shows, books, self-help guides, experts and many more resources that aim to help the singles of the world find ‘true love.’

But are those resources really helping us? How exactly has dating changed in the past few decades?

A conversation about modern dating rules, when Charlotte Talks.

Guests
Dr. Darshana Hawks - Healthy Relationship Expert, author of Stop Being Single Now and upcoming Save Your Marriage Now
Megan Henshall - Writer for Creative Loafing Charlotte
Emily Maynard - Charlotte resident and former contestant on ABC’s The Bachelor and The Bachelorette

Contact Dr. Dar to learn more about modern dating rules and specifically what to do for dating with the purpose and desire to get married.

Read more on this story in Creative Loafing: Modern Dating Rules

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